


From the Walls of the Chimera

by lothalmoons



Series: Kalluzeb Valentines [3]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: (or just after it), Episode: s03e17 Through Imperial Eyes, I always wondered how Zeb reacted when he found out Kallus didn't leave, Love Confessions, Love Letters, M/M, kallus is only mentioned he doesn't actually make an appearance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-04 17:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18608806
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lothalmoons/pseuds/lothalmoons
Summary: Kallus writes Zeb a letter explaining why he couldn't leave when Ezra came to rescue him.





	From the Walls of the Chimera

Ezra looked at the small, surprisingly uncrumpled letter that had fallen out of his pocket as he took off the Imperial uniform he had stolen earlier to impersonate Lyste. He wondered how it got there; he hadn’t felt anyone put it in - nor did he even think Imperial uniforms _had_ pockets.

Yet it was obviously meant to be there and meant for him to find.

On the front, in skinny, scratchy, cursive letters was the name “Capt. Garazeb Orrelios”.  


He would be seeing Zeb soon, for he was traveling through hyperspace back to Atollon as he sat on the _Ghost’s_ floor in his room, but he wished he weren’t. He knew Zeb would not be happy, or, to put it factually, crushed, when he would realize Agent Kallus had chosen to stay and spy as an Imperial, despite what seemed like an extraction he could not refuse.

Ezra shook his head; it was just Kallus now. He hadn’t yet gotten used to the fact that the _ex_ Agent was on their side now. But Zeb sure had.

Zeb had been the one to order an extraction mission for Kallus in the first place. It puzzled Ezra, how he was so willing, eager even, to pull Kallus out of the Empire and bring him to his own, new home, the one he had found whilst drowning in grief and loss partly because of that same man. A year ago, the two were at each other’s throats - literally. Ezra had to wonder what really happened on that ice moon. How had one night so completely changed not just Kallus, but both of them, into such different people? How had not even 24 hours changed that powerful force drawing them always together from hate to… something else?

While Zeb was able to persuade both the specters and high command to perform an extraction, it was almost unanimously agreed that Zeb should specifically not be assigned to the mission, the only dissenter being Zeb himself. It had been clear he was much too involved and held the mission far too personally to be able to carry it out successfully. To satisfy the indignant and very upset Lasat, Ezra had volunteered to be the one to infiltrate.

He couldn’t imagine how Zeb would take it when he realized that his mission was a failure, and, more importantly, that Kallus was still stuck on the _Chimera_ , by his own volition no less. Unfortunately, he didn’t have to because just then, the _Ghost_ jumped out of hyperspace, and Ezra, now in the cockpit, could clearly see Atollon right in front of them.

They landed, and he could almost feel Zeb’s confusion twist into painful despair as he saw everyone but Kallus emerge from the ship. He had been waiting to greet them as soon as he heard a ship enter the atmosphere, or rather, had been waiting to greet Kallus. He saw the joyous impatience change into melancholy as his shoulders dropped and ears drooped.

He couldn’t say anything to Zeb because he didn’t know what to say at all. For how much Kanan had taught him and how deep his connection to the Force had grown, someone’s truest intentions and private feelings were truly their own, and though he could feel the waves of raw emotions, he could not place their cause or reason. Ezra wasn’t sure why Zeb felt so forcefully for Kallus, nor did he know how he could, but he did know that whatever Zeb was feeling, whether it be the call to save him, protect him, or even, impossibly, love him, he needed that letter written by the only person who seemed to know what to say to him.

“This is for you,” Ezra said, voice quiet, sympathetic and laced with compassion, knowing he had done more with such a simple gesture than any words from him could ever hope to do.

Zeb didn’t need to ask who the letter was from. Regardless of never having seen the foreign script before, he immediately knew who his name had been written by. He headed past Ezra into the _Ghost_ , neither Kanan nor Rex stopping him, knowing that Zeb was fully aware Kallus wasn’t on the ship. He just needed to be in the one place that offered him enough comfort to read.

He sat on the bottom bunk in his room and was careful to not tear the thin paper as he took the letter out of its envelope. Slowly, painfully, he read the letter, so riddled with smudges and cross-outs he could almost picture Kallus writing it, hunched over, anxious and deliberating over just what to say, just how to phrase.

__~~Gara~~ Zeb,  
By the time you read this, you will have figured out that I am not leaving. To be frank, I never had planned to.  
Did I think about leaving? Yes. Not a day went by that I hadn’t thought of just escaping, fleeing and going to a group of people I knew would so foolishly accept me. When ~~Bri~~ Ezra was here and escape was so fully able to be taken into my grasp, it took all my strength to overpower the almost insurmountable desire for freedom.  
I knew I couldn’t run. I owed more than that to the Specter Crew, to the Rebellion, and to you. Because truth be told, we will never be even. You will have saved my life and I will have pitifully tried to make up for destroying yours.  
Your kindness has given me another chance, and I promise you, I will not waste it. Every day I think of you. Every day I remember that one fateful night we spent together as we were both on the brink of death, yet I had felt like I had been born again. Every day I remind myself of my duty to you and the cause of justice and freedom by simply looking to my left and seeing ~~my~~ ~~your~~ our meteorite resting upon the shelf.  
I am running out of time to get all my thoughts onto this one paper, but I know that even given eternity, I would not be able to fully express what I need you to know. Though I hope just a few words will suffice:  
I love you, Garazeb Orrelios, and I hope that you do not love me. 

_Alex  
(short for Alexsandr)_

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this so long ago, and I can't believe I forgot to post it! It was originally for the Valentines prompts that I wrote for back in February.
> 
> (Also yes - this is the first time Kallus tells Zeb his first name. I tried to make it echo the scene in The Honorable Ones; I hope I succeeded lol)


End file.
